When I was young, I left my town of residence daily, not once a week or once a month. As the summer draws nigh, I realize that my time spent in Cheney [excluding the breaks of course] has put me in an irreversible time warp. My year here as a freshman can easily be described as a decade and the world I came from fades back to a surreal memory of forgotten times. Yes, EWUers, it is the beginning of June and our year here at our home away from home will soon be up. Some will graduate, some will transfer, some will stay enrolled, and others will merely drop out. Nevertheless, let us not forget that nauseating feeling we have that Cheney is the center of the universe.
Cheney, to an Eastern Washington University student, is the center of the universe. There is no getting around it. The world must revolve around us, seeing as we see nothing of the outside world more times than not. Everything else from Spokane [though Costco and Wal- Mart are well worth the journey] to Ritzville [watch the speed traps] is revolving around us. Cheney Cinemas is our sun, Rosa’s Pizza is our moon, Taco Bell, Safeway, Excell Foods, and McDonalds are all our planets, and Ben Franklin is our galaxy.
When polled, eight out of the 10 students I questioned agreed with my claim about our small town being the core. Why wouldn’t they agree? Cheney is where it’s at! If you need a sled, make a little trip to Ben Franklin. If you feel those unbearable hunger pains after Baldy’s and the Mo-Street CafÃ© closes, make a run to the border and pick yourself up some burritos at the Taco Bell. What more could the hub of the universe possibly require?
Cheney is comparable to many of the great cities of the world. Our EWU round dorms are easily mistaken for the skyscrapers of New York, our wheat fields are as golden and smooth as the sands of Egypt, our small shopping district is as quaint and rustic as any little fashionable city in Europe, and our weather reflects all the wonderful extremes from Siberia to Ecuador. The changing temperatures keep us residents seasonal and never bored. The Willow Springs Hotel may as well be the Ritz-Carlton and Bank of America any glitzy Switzerland monopoly. We have it all, folks.
The name “Cheney” even rolls off the tongue nicely. It would be horrible if the center of the universe were named Bartholomewton or Phileas Foggville. Those names do not replicate the same sense of prestige and eminence that the name Cheney possesses.
So, in my day I would not have been able to write those aforementioned claims without bursting with laughter and sarcasm. Upon my Eagle Preview two Novembers ago, I did not leave the Cheney city limits with visions of splendor and grandeur dancing through my head, I left with the dread of the pending extreme boredom. With this in mind, students, leave this small town and even smaller campus and rediscover the existing world around us; a world of 24-hour Safeways and more than two choices on how to exit town.