In honor of the Christmas holiday, I have the responsibility tosay something to those of you that are driving west to visitfamily:
Don’t go! Stay home and eat leftover macaroni!
I didn’t heed this warning during Thanksgiving, and I paidthe price.
I’ll never forget it for as long as I live.
You encounter some traffic going over the mountain pass at aroundtwo in the afternoon.
“No big deal,” you say, ever the optimist.
“Traffic will be moving soon.”
You fool! This is Washington; traffic doesn’t move here.
Three hours later, you’ve turned off you car to save gas, andwhatever optimism you had left is now frozen solid.
You’ve started to eat the ketchup packets from your glove boxto stay alive.
A car starts in the distance and a glimmer of hope spreads throughthe ranks.
People are scrambling for their vehicles like it’s the eighthinning of a Mariners game.
Probably just some poor sap trying to use his engine to heat hisketchup packets.
Finally, after three and a half hours of dead standstill, trafficbegins to inch its way through the mountains.
What should have been a five-hour jaunt from Tacoma to Spokanebecame a ten-and-a-half-hour road trip from hell.
Are you scared? You should be!
However, there are many of you who will go anyway.
So for those of you die-hard travelers who still want to make thetrip, I offer you a list of things to do while stuck intraffic:
1) Teach yourself a new trick; try to touch your tongue to yournose or wiggle your ears. (This options guarantees awkward glancesfrom your fellow travelers)
2) Rearrange the trash in your car to make it more “fengshui.”
3) Try to communicate with the car in front of you using yourlights to do Morse code.
4) Take a walk and get to know your temporary neighbors.
5) Do homework. (This is a last resort and is not highlysuggested.)
Enjoy your trip!