You and your date are seated at a fancy restaurant, eating dinner. For the last half hour she hasn’t said anything, and you can sense that she is uncomfortable. Maybe it’s because you were talking about how your kids might look. You mentioned that you are having a great time and that you would like to do this again. Finally she musters up some courage, “Hey, you’re cool and everything, but I just want to be friends.”
Becoming friends with a girl who you went on a few dates with can be a low blow for a lot of guys. When guys take girls out on dates it’s definitely not to become buddies. This is especially true if the guy is wining and dining his date. Also, when a girl states the dreaded phrase “let’s just be friends” it’s like saying, “You’re not good enough to date.” I know that I’ve heard this phrase enough to wonder what’s going on.
So what do you do in a situation where you have been reduced to friendship? The first thing that you may feel is confusion. You’ll get over it. After that, you may console yourself in the fact that being her friend will afford you future opportunities at wooing her. Or you’ll say things like “I’ve got enough friends,” or as my friend Donovan used to say, “I just want to be a lover, nothing else.”
A lot of the times when girls bring up friendship they do so because they want to let the guy down easy. Another reason is that she wants to keep her options open. This is often the best avenue in her mind. Whatever the reason is, the best thing to remember is that if she started out being attracted to you and then all of a sudden you’re only friendship material, there’s probably a reason for that. Let’s explore a few of these reasons:
1. Being too nice
Sometimes when a guy is out on a date he may feel that he has to be overly nice to impress a girl. Girls don’t like this very much. For instance, if your date starts a conversation about politics, and all you do is agree with her, even if you really don’t agree with her view that all men are pigs, you’ll find yourself out of the game really quick. Don’t try to please too much Disagreement is normal, and showing that you have your own beliefs shows that you’re confident. Also, if you find yourself following your date around all night because it’s nice for her to decide everything for the two of you, you’ll probably just become friends.
2. Being too serious
The most important thing about dating is that you should be having fun. When you lose sight of that, that’s when the trouble begins. For some reason guys act like a date is a really, really big deal and then the girl ends up becoming uncomfortable. And her being uncomfortable around you is not a good thing. Joke around with her a little. Make her feel like she can have fun around you.
Your appearance is very important on a date so it’s important to look presentable. Dress appropriately for the place that you decide to go to. If you’re going to the movies, dress casually; if you’re going to a nice place for dinner, dress a little bit better than casual. And if for some reason you decide to wear your favorite gym sweats on a date (unless you two have a date to play basketball) then your date will end tragically. Also, try to stay away from leisure suits, gold medallions and wide-lapelled shirts.
Taking a shower before your date is not just a good idea, it’s a rule. Why? Because the sense of smell is a powerful thing and smelling like a musk ox will probably make your date an unlucky one. You may not even get to hear the “let’s be friends” spiel. Also, too much cologne can have this affect as well.
These are only a few of the reasons for entering the friendship-zone with a girl. Generally guys get filed away for reasons having to do with personality rather than appearance. Attraction might be based on sight initially, but if you have an undesirable personality that can be just as bad as being ugly. There are, however, a few things that a guy can do early on in dating.
Tip #1. Set the tone
If you can set the tone of your dates with girls early on then you can control your destiny. By that I mean that if you act as though you’re hanging out with them to get to know them better and to have fun, then you are already one up. At least you won’t make her feel uncomfortable.
Tip #2. Make friends all the time
Meeting new people is always good. So if for some reason your date tells you that she just wants to be friends, then, as my friend tells me, “Don’t pee in your own pond.” What does this mean? You never know what will happen in the future, so keep her friendship, and you may get to meet her friends.
Being friends with a girl that you dated is not the worst thing in the world. You’ll always meet new people, and if you have a good attitude about it, you’ll be fine if you hear “Let’s just be friends.”