Unfortunately, this is not a discussion of the TV show that some people find wildly entertaining, but instead of my real life, which has slightly less entertainment value. I guess I should be thankful for the small things. My life isn’t science fiction and I only get “Lost” on campus, not on an island that has strange powers over the people who end up there.
Speaking of lost, I missed the day of orientation when they implanted a GPS unit in my brain for the purpose of locating classes, or anything for that matter, on campus. I always find myself standing in the middle of the sidewalk, staring hopelessly at the map I was given that is of no use whatsoever, narrowly missing collisions with everyone who must have gone to orientation that day, which from my perspective seems to be just about everyone!
I stand by my GPS conspiracy theory; perhaps it wasn’t obvious when they implanted a GPS unit, similar to the one in your car, in your head that gives you those turn-by-turn directions so that you never get lost. There is no other possible way that everyone except for me can tell one brick building from the other, or one brick sidewalk from the other. All those bricks, despite the fact that they are red make me feel like Dorothy from “The Wizard of Oz.” Maybe one of these times I should simply click my heels together and say, “There’s no place like home,” if only I could find my home.
Since there are major flaws with my “Wizard of Oz” plans, I have considered others. Perhaps I should attend a campus tour posing as a high school senior who is thinking of attending EWU. This perhaps could be another place where one acquires the mind GPS with its nifty turn-by-turn direction feature that I am in most desperate need of. Some of my high school friends can find places on campus better than I can, and they have hardly been on campus besides the tour, which is just plain sad.
Taking another clue from the stories I read as a child, perhaps I should consider bread crumbs, but things didn’t end too well for Hansel and Gretel. Abduction by an evil witch might not work too well as an excuse for missing class. I would also have to be really na’ve to not know by now, not to go with nice strangers, even if they do offer houses made out of candy. I’d also have to worry about the friendly EWU squirrels devouring my trail when I wished to return.
All joking aside, navigation of campus shouldn’t be nearly this difficult. Besides being extremely frustrating for newcomers like me, in an emergency situation it would be downright dangerous.
Survival of the fittest with their GPS mind units isn’t a pleasant situation for me to imagine. If an emergency official told everyone to gather at Cadet Hall, would you be able to find it in a timely fashion? Even if it wasn’t a safety issue, I think that students and parents would enjoy the campus experience a bit more if there wasn’t the stress of finding where they needed to go.
When my parents and I attended orientation this summer, we were simply told where to go and instructions on how to get there weren’t given or were given with references to buildings we hadn’t ever seen before. Since it was our first time on the EWU campus we had to rely on a map that was poorly constructed and confusing due to the inaccurate representation of space between the buildings on the map. Several times we had to circle the building to figure out what it actually was, and with the buildings being so large it was unnecessarily time consuming. Every building at EWU should be clearly labeled with signs on all sides. It is difficult to navigate using a map that lists the names of the buildings when the names are completely under snow as was the case when we started this quarter.
Yes, it would be a bit of work and take a bit of funding, but I think that it would pay for itself through positive referrals from parents and students; no one appreciates feeling so lost all the time. Campus grounds maintenance could even be a selling point on why one should attend EWU.
However, if no action is taken, please take pity on me and help me find where I need to go. (I’ll be the one standing in the middle of the sidewalk, map in hand and looking thoroughly confused.)