With Barack Obama finally in his presidential three-point stance, facing what could probably be the biggest three-four defense that an American president will ever take a snap against in the form of a failing economy, war on two fronts and a global climate situation that’s, well, heating up, people from the extreme left and right still have to pipe up and remind the rest of Americans just how stupid they really are.
Since our economy is dropping off faster than the Seattle Seahawks’ winning percentage, it’s time to draw out all the money in your account, put it under your bed in pillowcases and start your own garden for sustenance. If there’s anything we’ve learned from the past 10 years it’s that when ESPN starts canceling the Outdoor Games featuring ATVing and Timber Sports, you know there’s something seriously wrong with this country.
People are stupid. Not just your mildly stupid acts like eating crayons and glue sticks. Really stupid. You know that guy you see at football games getting tasered by police for vomiting on Montana Grizzly fans? That stupid. You know Michael Richards? Definitely that stupid.
Throughout my college career there’s been nothing more nerve-racking or unexpected than the Sunday visit from the parents. I’m not sure if they plan on doing this, but they never let you know a couple days in advance. Usually it’s “We’re right outside the door” while you’re trying to stuff half a hundred beer bottles and cigarette packages into the dumpster.
With all the rain on the west side of the state, it gets downright depressing, but considering how all of Washington’s professional and collegiate teams are doing, I’m about to jump off a building. The Mariners couldn’t defeat a double-A baseball team and they pay out more money in payroll than the former Pacman Jones spends on strip clubs.